What Is A Lay Cistercian? The Answer From A Current Member
Co-authored by Lay Cistercians of South Florida member Nancy Heise.
Lay Cistercians are ordinary lay Catholics who seek a deeper connection with God. They live by the Rule of St. Benedict, inspired by Cistercian monastic practices.
Lay Cistercians come from all walks of life—working or retired, married or single. They might be your neighbor, babysitter, or banker, and are indistinguishable in a crowd. Like everyone else, they manage responsibilities and navigate everyday challenges. They’re united by a deep desire for a life grounded in contemplation and prayer.
Cistercians are considered to “be” what is called “contemplatives”. They become people who contemplate God and his teachings.
Lay Cistercians and Monastic Life
Contrary to common belief, Lay Cistercians are not laypeople pretending to be monks. However, they share a unique connection with monks and nuns.
Lay Cistercians adopt spiritual practices modeled after the monks to deepen their connection with God, but they don’t live in monasteries or follow a monastic daily schedule. Their bond with monks is like a spiritual brotherhood, marked by gentleness, patience, and sincerity—qualities that can nurture the soul in both lay and monastic life.
The monks serve as their model for virtues like obedience, perseverance, faithfulness, and humility. In return, the community offers spiritual support to its members and maintains a spiritual friendship with the monks.
The Rule of St. Benedict
In 516 AD, St. Benedict of Nursia wrote a collection of precepts that served as the guiding principles for monks living communally under an abbot. These became known as “The Rule of St. Benedict” and were followed by the Benedictines for 15 centuries.
Founded in 1098, the Cistercian order also adopted this rule. By the 20th century, it had become the guiding principle for Lay Cistercians.
Saint Benedict’s Rule embodies the Benedictine motto of “peace” and “ora et labora” (pray and work). Its purpose was to spiritually support monastic asceticism. It also aimed to cultivate spiritual growth. This growth is essential for fulfilling the human vocation.
The precepts primarily establish order within the monastery. They outline prayer hours, punishments for erring monks, and rules for monks working in the field, traveling, or serving in the kitchen.
The 4th chapter, however, outlines 72 precepts—referred to as the tools for good works—that apply to every Christian. These include most of the Ten Commandments and additional guidelines to encourage an ascetic life, such as:
- Renounce yourself to follow Christ.
- Practice fasting instead of self-indulgence.
- Relieve the poor, clothe the naked, and visit the sick.
- Help the troubled and console the sorrowful.
- Be sincere and free from deceit.
These rules guide the Lay Cistercian way of life.
The Importance of Prayer For Lay Cistercians
Everyone has a unique story about how they came to understand the importance of prayer. A common thread in many of these stories is a personal encounter with the Divine. As Jesus told St. Thomas, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” Some, like St. Thomas, have clear, explicit encounters, while others are blessed to believe without such experiences. They simply “know in their heart” the truth.
My own journey to discovering God and the importance of prayer began in the 7th grade. One day, I was upset over an injustice at school. As I walked home crying, I looked up at the sky and asked, “Where are you?” I wasn’t expecting an answer—just venting my frustration. A week later, I found myself walking with a group of people into the first Christian church I’d ever entered—a Catholic church. As I stepped through the front doors, I felt an overwhelming “hug” of love that seemed to reach my soul. It brought me to tears, and in that moment, I felt and heard God say, “I am here.”
I suddenly remembered my question from the week before and realized this was the answer. The experience filled me with joy, confirming for me that God is real—not a myth or a fairytale—and that He loves us deeply. Shortly after, I asked my parents if I could be baptized.
The Daily Life of a Lay Cistercian
A Lay Cistercian’s daily life is much like anyone else’s. They go to work, manage businesses, or care for their families. However, Lay Cistercians dedicate a portion of each day to prayer and contemplation. They actively seek a balance between their professional and spiritual lives.
Contemplative spirituality is a significant part of a Lay Cistercian’s daily routine. Beyond daily prayers, they carve out time for silence and solitude. In these quiet moments, they turn away from worldly distractions. They focus on immersing themselves in God’s holy presence.
To strengthen their faith, Lay Cistercians also participate in communal gatherings. Praying with their community helps them deepen their connection to the mind and heart of Christ. These gatherings are a way to renew their commitment to God, refresh their souls, and nourish their spirits.
The Characteristics of a Lay Cistercian
A Lay Cistercian’s way of life is deeply rooted in the Cistercian charism, a spiritual gift essential for fulfilling the mission of the church.
Along with values like piety, silence, and solitude, the Cistercian charism emphasizes:
- humility
- simplicity
- patience
- labor
- gratitude
- obedience
- hospitality
- stability
- ongoing conversion
These qualities are essential to the Cistercian spiritual identity. However, cultivating them can be challenging for those not called to monastic life. Acknowledging this, Lay Cistercians adapt these charisms to fit a layperson’s way of life.
These charisms form their core moral and spiritual principles. They guide their actions and interactions in every aspect of life.
Who Can Become a Lay Cistercian?
Any confirmed Catholic can become a Lay Cistercian. People of all ages, genders, economic statuses, and ethnic backgrounds are welcome.
Remember, this is a way of life—not just something to do when it’s convenient. It’s a commitment you uphold every moment.
Cistercian spirituality values peace, silence, simplicity, and humility. True happiness is found in God, not possessions or luxury. Their greatest treasure is faith. Rejecting glamour, they find joy in life’s simplicity.
Anyone called to this path, whether monk or layperson, is drawn to a life best described as “ordinary, obscure, and laborious.”
If this lifestyle appeals to you, the Lay Cistercian community would be happy to welcome you.
How Do You Become a Lay Cistercian?
Becoming a Lay Cistercian isn’t a solitary journey; it’s a process undertaken within a community.
Anyone who wishes to become a Lay Cistercian must undergo a formation process. Most Lay Cistercian communities follow a five-year educational program.
Before joining the formation program, all aspirants must complete an observation stage. This period allows them to become familiar with the Lay Cistercian way of life and discern if they’re truly called to this path. During this time, they’re required to attend monthly community meetings and the yearly retreat.
During the observation stage, aspiring members will learn about topics such as:
- Cistercian history
- The Rule of St. Benedict
- Cistercian values
- Cistercian Evangelists
- History of the Lay Cistercians
During this stage, the council will interview the observers. Once approved, they can move on to the Formation Program.
The program begins with two years of novitiate, followed by three years of juniorate. After this, members can make the Lifetime Promise. It’s a lifelong commitment to Cistercian spirituality and way of life.
But the Lay Cistercian Formation Program doesn’t end with a promise—it’s a lifelong learning process. Members are required to attend monthly meetings and study groups. The Lay Cistercians of South Florida hold these meetings on the second Saturday of each month at Emmanuel Catholic Church in Delray Beach, Florida.
For anyone unsure about making this commitment, joining in prayer is always welcome.
In Conclusion
A Lay Cistercian believes they’re called by God to be a person of prayer. This vocation is illustrated by the story of Mother Teresa and her English volunteer. The volunteer fell ill and could no longer physically assist in Calcutta. Mother Teresa sent her home. She instructed her to help the ministry by praying for it. Mother Teresa even sent prayer requests to this woman. Like Mother Teresa’s friend, a Lay Cistercian is convinced of prayer’s importance in family life and broader communities. Prayer for oneself and others is a Spiritual Work of Mercy, as outlined in Catholic teaching. Prayer is an act of faith, love, and obedience. Jesus himself asks his disciples to pray not only for loved ones but also for enemies.
The Lay Cistercian is someone whose prayer life is intentionally shaped. Much like a mechanic is trained through education and practice, prayer requires learning and experience. This includes understanding different types of prayer, like Lectio Divina. It also involves recognizing obstacles to prayer and knowing how, when, and what to pray. Just as a mechanic relies on tools and training, a life of prayer requires these essential skills. A mechanic is not only trained to fix cars but also develops the identity of being a mechanic. Similarly, Cistercians are contemplatives—people who focus on contemplating God and His teachings. The goal of this contemplative life is to nurture a soul deeply connected to God, filled with the peace of Christ, and sharing that peace with others. This helps contemplatives bring peace to the world. They become the person God created them to be. This means growing in trust and knowledge of God. They also fulfill their God-given purpose.
In more technical terms, Lay Cistercians are laypeople (those who are not priests, monks, or nuns) who take vows to follow specific prayer practices and spiritual disciplines based on the rule and traditions of the Cistercian order. This rule, known as “The Rule of Saint Benedict,” was written by Saint Benedict of Nursia (c. 480–547), the founder of Western monasticism and a pivotal figure in shaping Western civilization.
My Personal Journey To Lay Cistercians
As a parent, I once faced the decision of taking my young son to the emergency room. He had the flu and was severely dehydrated. Our pediatrician advised small sips of Gatorade, but he couldn’t keep anything down. I decided to pray a Rosary for him before deciding to go to the hospital. I sat on the end of his bed and prayed silently. As I finished the Rosary, he suddenly sat upright and said, “Mom, I’m so thirsty, please give me a glass of water.” This was astonishing, considering he had been too listless to walk and too nauseous to keep down even sips of Gatorade. I gave him a full glass of water, which he drank, and he began recovering immediately. I was astonished that his strong request for water came not moments before or after, but precisely at the moment I finished the final prayer. When we can do nothing else for our loved ones, we can still pray for them and bring God’s grace into their lives. If we never ask for something, the answer will always be “No.” Jesus tells his disciples, “Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened.” Asking, seeking, and knocking are all forms of prayer.
I’ve heard that God allows Himself to be found by those who seek Him. I’ve also heard that He doesn’t keep His will a secret from someone truly wanting to know the right thing to do. However, I know the answer isn’t always “Yes” when we ask for something. I learned this one day when my husband, our four children, and I were kayaking in Alaska. We had crossed a strait in the morning and were returning in the afternoon. What was calm earlier became a windy, wavy, treacherous trip back. It was terrifying, and I feared for all our safety. As a person of faith, I prayed, asking God to calm the storm so we could safely return home. Just as I finished this prayer, the storm grew more severe.
With immense effort, we reached shore safely. Still, I was astonished my prayer hadn’t calmed the storm. Looking skyward, I spoke to God: “I rarely ask for such things, but my family was in danger. You didn’t listen; you made it worse! You said faith moves mountains. Why didn’t you grant my request in this dire situation?” His reply came: “Don’t ask for the storms to subside, ask for the strength to get through them.” That year, our family faced a significant trial, one we endured and safely navigated only through prayer.
The word “adoration” describes the deep love one holds for another. Such love compels us to seek deeper understanding, kindness, friendship, and to share in both suffering and joy. I recall a seminary vocations director who would ask prospective priests if they had ever been in love, believing this experience helps one grasp the Source of Love: God. Prayer is a conversation with God; it is also “being with” God.
On Becoming a Lay Cistercian
Sitting in church one day, I wondered how priests and nuns prayed, sensing they followed a structured practice. Soon after, a woman gave me a copy of the Liturgy of the Hours and invited me to the first meeting of the South Florida Lay Cistercians. There I met my first Cistercian monk, Sister Lillian Shank, who radiated love, kindness, and gentleness. With great patience, she instructed our group monthly on Cistercian monastic practices. We read books recommended by the monks; while some were challenging, all contributed to a deeper understanding of God, prayer, and how to integrate healthy spiritual practices into our lives. Learn more about our formation program here. Our group attended annual retreats at Holy Spirit Monastery in Conyers, GA. Each retreat offered a beautiful, silent, prayerful space for contemplation and instruction on various aspects of monastic life. I discovered how applicable the monks’ ordered way of life was to family structure. Each visit inspired new ways monastic customs could enrich our family life, such as making soup from leftovers, assigning household chores, beginning and ending each day with prayer, and reading the daily Gospel at breakfast. I continue to return to the monastery for annual retreats, finding profound enrichment with each visit. For me and many others, the monastery has been a wellspring of God’s grace, much like drawing water from a deep well.
Lay Cistercians are not lay people pretending to be monks
Lay Cistercians are individuals who integrate the spiritual practices of monks into their daily lives to deepen their connection with God. The monks’ friendship adds a unique sense of spiritual brotherhood, offering a glimpse of the gentleness, patience, and sincerity a soul can cultivate. They exemplify virtues like obedience, perseverance, faithfulness, and humility. The Lay Cistercian community provides its members with a supportive spiritual environment and meaningful connections with the monks. You’re invited to experience this for yourself by joining us at our monthly meetings. Learn more about us here.