Not To Kill – The Sixth Commandment
Originally published at: MSMAbbey.org
“You have heard that it was said to your ancestors, You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment. But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment.” (Mt 5:21-22)
When Jesus says “But I say you…” it becomes clear that we are in the presence of the Lawgiver himself, who comes to reveal to us the beating heart of the Law in his own person. The deepest meaning of the law against murder is the call to transformation of heart. Long before the point of taking a life is reached, there are interior movements and choices for which I am responsible. Taking its cue from this word of Scripture, as well as from experience, the monastic tradition is strong on the dangers of anger. Anger is a passion, which means that it represents a deformation of a natural and good energy of the soul. What is the good and natural purpose of anger? It is the energy to stand against evil. But this power, deformed from its original intent, is turned against our neighbor, and is therefore opposed to love. Anger is described as a deadly poison which blinds the eyes to the truth. It is the evil one who envies love and attempts to sow discord between brothers or sisters. Perhaps you too have experienced how hard, or I should say, impossible it is to pray when in a state of anger. Anger separates us from God.
There is a tendency to take the prohibition against anger as an impossible burden, something that can never be lived up to because of our human weakness. Because anger is something that seems to happen to us, taking over our inner self and very quickly proceeding to control our words and deeds, it can feel like slavery, rather than something over which I have control, let alone something for which I am to be held responsible. So, either we simply ignore the words of Jesus (one cannot be commanded to do what is impossible by nature), or we justify ourselves (in this case, I’m sure Jesus would say my anger is justified), or we enter into that famous river of Egypt: denial. Jesus said not to be angry, therefore, I am not angry. Not angry. Can’t you see that I’m NOT ANGRY AT ALL!
The teaching of John Cassian offers us a way to acknowledge accept our anger as a fact of our experience, as part of our nature, while making it very clear that we can choose not to allow ourselves to be carried away by it. We do not have complete control over the thoughts that arise in our hearts, though we do have a choice as to whether such thoughts linger long enough to gain strength and influence our conduct. Thus, there is a necessary distinction between the feeling level of anger, which is spontaneous and largely out of our control, and the choice to feed the flames, to remain angry, to act in anger. Cassian calls the first type of anger thumos – that is the inner feeling of anger that is not voluntary. The feeling of anger brings with it the conviction that I am right, and the desire to impose this rightness on dissenting others, but force if necessary. Therefore, I am tempted to cling to the feeling and to let it grow toward action. Second, there is orge – anger expressed in word or deed, where the will has become involved. Third, there is menis – a long-standing simmering resentment which becomes a self-chosen hell, or a prison, according to the words of today’s gospel. If we do not want to be thrown into prison, we must find a way to settle with our opponent on the way.
In his conference On Friendship, which is mostly about cultivating peace in community relationships, Cassian offers some practical suggestions for how to reduce the grip of anger on our lives; how to be peacemakers.
1. “The first foundation of true friendship, then, consists in contempt for worldly wealth and disdain for all that we possess…[and not to] prefer the paltry household articles that remain to the most precious love of a brother.” (Conf 16.6.1)
– In other words, we put first things first, we don’t put things before people.
2. “The second is that each person should so restrain his will as not to consider himself wise and learned, preferring to follow his own point of view rather than his neighbor’s.” (Conf 16.6.1)
– Renunciation of self will is the principal theme of Benedict’s Rule. It is not a matter of becoming a doormat, but of acknowledging the truth that no one person has all the light, that I do not necessarily know what is best, that others have something to teach me.
3. “The third is that he should realize that all things, even those which he considers useful and necessary, must be subordinated to the good of love and peace.” (Conf 16.6.2)
– Even good, important things (artistic and literary taste, practical and prudential judgment) may need to be renounced in order to respect persons. This is very difficult in practice. Discernment is needed to understand what is the most important value to pursue in a given situation (when to stand firm, when to yield).
4. The fourth is that he should see that he should never be angered for any reason, whether just or unjust.” (Conf 16.6.2)
– Not allowing oneself the luxury of feeling justified in one’s anger paves the way for dissipating it, for seeing things more clearly. Strong actions needed to right wrongs are not excluded here, but these should always come from a place of inner peace and clarity.
5. “The fifth is that he should desire to calm the anger that a brother may have conceived against him, even if it is groundless, just as he would his own, knowing that another’s annoyance will be as dangerous for him as if he were himself moved against another.” (Conf 16.6.2)
– This is a crucial point, and one that goes very much against the grain. I am responsible not only for my own anger, but also for something another person holds against me. I am my brother’s keeper in a way more profound than previously imagined. I may not be accountable for others’ feelings or choices, but I am to be held accountable for their spiritual welfare insofar as I may abandon them into temptation by my action or neglect. This requires transcending the bitterness I feel when another is angry with me, in order to ask myself whether I can be the one to take a step toward reconciliation.
6. “The last is what is certainly decisive in regard to all vices in general – namely, that a person reflect daily on the fact that he is going to depart from this world. This conviction not only does not permit any annoyance to remain in the heart, but it even suppresses all the movements of every wrongful desire and sin. Whoever holds to this, therefore, will neither suffer nor inflict the bitterness of anger and discord.” (Conf 16.6.2-3)
– The Scriptures, Cassian, RB all emphasize the remembrance of death and judgment, of that ultimate moment when we stand before God, the memory of which relativizes trivial disputes.
Cassian says that we are called to overcome anger (in ourselves and in others) with love. In this our inner disposition crucial – “the virtue of patience can never be exercised by a contrary spirit – that is, by one of impatience and rage.” (Conf 16.22.1). He describes signs of “false patience”, which is another expression of anger (Conf 16.15-20) that we would call “passive aggression,” where the outward appearance of peace conceals an inner intention to provoke.
- Undertaking pious practices instead of seeking reconciliation through dialogue
- Bitter silence
- Derisive body language
- Refusal to do the good that is within reach
- Seeking glory through another’s perdition
- Deceitful love (Judas’ kiss)
- Hypocritical meekness (“turning the cheek” as a way of eliciting violence from the other)
- Considering oneself blameless before God
- Refusal to eat (self harm as a way of convicting the other of ill)
Finally, he offers some thoughts on how to make that break between the natural arising of a feeling of anger and the development of the though into action or long-standing resentment:
CALM – A monk who is mistreated “must preserve the calm not only of his lips but also of the depths of his heart.”
SILENCE – One who is disturbed “must compose himself in utter silence”
NO BROODING – “Nor should he think of his present state and utter the things that rage suggests to him and his aggrieved mind broods over when he is upset.”
REMEMBER LOVE – “Instead, he should recall the joy of past love and in his mind look forward to the restoration of a peace fashioned anew, seeing it, even at the very moment of distress, make a speedy return.” (Conf 16.26.2)
This is not pie in the sky. We struggle. We fight and sometimes we lose the battle. But in the midst of it all we learn some important tools. Never act in haste. Try to cut off the negative train of thought. Remember that we are in relationship with a brother or sister before God. When you can, act to reestablish communication and peace. This often involves waiting for the opportune moment, both for oneself and for the other. The struggle against anger is the task of a lifetime, and it is also the opportunity of a lifetime to learn the contours of one’s inner world. If calm is the best way to help one who is angry, calm is also the best way to help oneself in anger. We find that we can observe the part in us that is angry as if from the outside. We can say to ourselves: Yes, you’re angry, but you know that if you run off and do what you want to do you’ll make a big mess and regret it later. Sit tight, wait it out and see if the sky is clearer in the morning.
“…by mature deliberation and moderation the wise man slowly diminishes and gets rid of his [anger].” (Conf 16.27.1)
“…you should be enlarged in your hearts, receiving the adverse waves of wrath in the broad harbor of love.” (Conf 16.27.2)
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